Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Stereotypes: A prophecy from our forefathers



Absolutely nobody saw this comin... not only is he going to steal your chicken, he will break your windows out for it when just opening the door would suffice

Monday, May 24, 2010

Art never looked so good!

I seriously have never seen a work of art that has truly touched my soul such as this piece has. I have even set aside the fact this is a totally naked dude, in all seriousness, when I look at this here's my interpretation:

Somehow an artist in Oslo, Norway ate a bunch of LSD and was looking about 30 years into the future. There, he saw the traumatizing sight of my naked drunk ass wandering to the bathroom at 3:00am in a drunken stupor. Subsequently I don't make it to the bathroom and stepped on a Lego then fell down the stairs. Once I regained my balance and stood up, to find all my little bastard children looking down upon me, I climb up the stairs and this is the result...

This artist is a true visionary. Upon having money I am going to Norway where I will sit and gaze in wonder at this glorious work of art. It has connected with my soul, and punted the bastardous infant. God Bless you Mr. Statue maker guy!

Dick Day and Mr. Dooky



Another few masterpieces only found in the Flint area...

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Harley Sportster '48'



Now, I have to admit I'm really torn about this bike. I personally believe Harley hit a home run with this Sporty, its everyhting the nightster is, only it looks better. Now, I also believe this is probably the best bike Harley is currently building with the exception of the Dressers (those are always cool).

But here's my beef with this bike: The front end styling is cool and all, aside from some flashy tank paint and the awesome front tire, its just a sportster. Goin with this retro theme the nightster back half is great and all, but I just think they could have done so much more. I mean that triangular panel that is where the oil tank should be (it may even be an oil tank, I dont know new sportys) just is outta place. Retro front end, retro-ish back end, and this mildly crotch rocket center section to the bike WTF?

Also, trys to look like an old bike but at the end of the day its not. Rubber mounted motor, fuel injection, emissions, quiet pipes, and that fucking goofy midsection of the bike. Honestly Harley, WHY? Did a woman take over the company or something? Since when did you take away the vibrator and add a dildo? Look Harley, if you;re gonna do shit like this and make it look all nifty at least give us riders the option for a carb and solid mounts. Bah...

So my final verdict: I would buy this bike brand new if they:

1. Went back to an all mechanical/ carbureted set up
2. Solid Mount the Motor
3. Offer Chain drive from factory free of charge
4. Alter that goofy midsection to look like an old sportster
5. Reduce the price by a couple grand

Until then, Harley you can blow me. I'll make my old ass sporty look just as cool as that bike, for half the price, and it will have all of the perks mentioned in parts 1-5. Suck on that bitches.

Damn you P-Nut for influencing my bike taste. Had I never met you I could be perfectly happy with that bike lmao

Monday, April 19, 2010

Why college kids shouldn't play with Legos



Honestly I've loved legos my entire life, but one particular course at Kettering almost made me hate them. The idea is we simulate a production line building various products out of legos, and design our work cells accordingly. Well... I personally found something better to do with my time than optimize the imaginary production facility...

Now can you find our little lego pervert in the final presentation pictures presented to our class and professor? It's kind of like where's waldo, but instead of a striped dude with glasses we have a lego man with a boner. It's kind of fun...



Saturday, April 17, 2010

Riley's Going Away Party

So a good friend is deploying to Afganistan and naturally we had to have a party. It was fun, only 1 keg was sacrificed to a bunch of drunken retards and yes children and animals were injured during this event. Enjoy:



My new party face



I set the deployd's fresh ink hahahahahhahahaha



Erik smashed the hood over the stove... it needed to come down anyways



Tommy passed out in the middle of the living room floor, and I had a magic marker. Shortly after this Tommy then woke up and proceeded to try and fight Nate, then puked all over. IT was pretty funny. Those are about the only real highlights of the night with the exception of the Wings DESTROYING the Coyotes. Good stuff, good stuff.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Can't Blame Me


This will be the last post for the day, I just found another old picture that proves you can't blame me... I know it's blurry but this washes my hands of all our nations problems right now

Now, I've been waiting to say this to all of you who didn't make the right choice:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO!

The best TP job I didn't do but got blamed for...




So this masterpiece was created by my buddies while I was passed out drunk in a gutter somewhere. However, after a long hard night of drinking too much and falling down I was awakened by three screaming banshees bitching about how I broke into their house then TP'd them. Ironically, I think these bitches had no room to talk because they broke into my house only to awaken me into the worst hangover ever with three 19-20 year old bitches screaming and nagging. For a while I honestly thought I drank myself to death and was in hell...

Honestly, I really wish I would have TP'd them... this is good work.

The Thing!



So I just wanted to post this up because I think it's awesome. I went to some Halloween party a few years back with my girlfriend... I didnt really wanna go but it ended up turning out alright. Not to mention it was in a bad ass house with a badass deck and they had a really bad ass keg. But when I was out on the porch I noticed this awesome feature the house had, and I've never seen anything like it before! So naturally my wasted ass turned into a japanese tourist and took 1000000 photos of it because it was so awesome. I'll only post a couple though because they are all pretty much the same... just to give you an idea the size of this thing: that is a large sliding glass door beneath it.

It's so fucking cool when I finally get a big house I'm gonna make one too... and when people ask where I got the idea I'm gonna act like i'm the shit and thought of it myself. I rule.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

My retarded HLM

I just realized I cannot lump my buddy Brian, (or hippy "Reagan") as we call him in with my other retarded friends. Today he gets his very own celebrity highlite. Perhaps, I may highlight one friend per week just because I do have evidence to suggest they are all fucking morons. Thankfully I'm not friends with myself so I can leave me out of this blog :)

Anyhow, See Reagan:



See Reagan drive:




See Reagan joy ride:



We barely made it thru security gate with this sweet ride...



Ride Reagan Ride



Reagan likes to spend his free time smoking, drinking, and wearing sandals. He does not like long walks on the beach but prefers to get drunk and shoot kittens out of his potato cannon. Reagan's sole purpose in life is to "Reagan Smash" as we like to call it, or in laymans terms, use his hippy sandal feet to kick in doors. For some reason, when he is intoxicated he believes communism is hiding behind every door... then smashes is it only to find 'no communism there'. But all is not lost because his core capitalist values have caused a 150% increase in door frame sales. What can you do to be more like Reagan? Just ask yourself every time you're wasted "WWRD". The answer shall come.

Now, after all this attention I believe Reagan is sleepy... sleep Reagan sleep... for tomorrow you you will continue the art of smashing

My Retarded Friends



First I want to start this off by bashing Flint. The sign you are about to see was inspired by a good friend of mine who had a habit of getting all drunk at the bar, then drag racing himself all the way home through the abandoned hood. I figure if this posed any safety threats, there may be a cop in the area at some point in time...

Apparently this area was inhabited, and the cops have better things to do then clock a black Silverado blazing at 85-100 mph in an alleged 25 mph zone. But then again, when the sun goes down in Flint it is legally justifiable to run every red light and stop sign for fear of getting robbed



My next exhibit is proof that degos can't drive. At first I thought if we took this kid, locked him in a room with bag of weed, a 40, a brick oven, and a block of aluminum he'd make be a ferrari. Turns out that little bastard couldn't even bake me a fucking pizza... he just got high and drunk and fell asleep in the corner. Then one day got all wasted, was going too fast, and allegedly broke his clutch leading to that beautiful trans am. I may post a follow up to this picture with a potential gambling opportunity for all those interested.

On a more positive note, turns out our little dego couldn't handle his Trans Am... but is the Formula One equivalent of an Amigo driver



Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Punting Kittens!


So not everybody is cool enough to punt infants, it takes years of practice to master the art of punting. Fortunately some of my loyal followers are practicing on kittens before they can take it to the next level with live infants

Because the GIF image is a homo and may not work, here's a link

http://uselessjunk.com/article_full.php?id=112721

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Flint, MI- A City On Fire- Pt 1



Alright, so in the past 2 weeks over 80 houses burnt down in the lovely Flint, MI. I personally think this is a god send, and more of this god forsaken shithole of a city needs to burn to the mother fucking ground.

Some may think my language is uncalled for~ and to you I say "VISIT FLINT MI, IF YOU DONT AGREE THIS PIECE OF SHIT NEEDS TO BURN I'LL BURN MY OWN GOD DAMN HOUSE DOWN" actually I wont because that could have legal implications... but I will remove that attactive sign seen above from my stoop. Then arsonists will burn my shit down and I'm off the hook and can spend my legal retainer cash on more booze.

I will follow up on this post with many more highlighting the best aspects of this beautiful urban metropolis. Stay Classy Flint, MI

'Nother one of dem memorable quotes

(319):On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

(316):Toaster


Heh heh heh I need to party with them!

Heading to Vegas!



Sweet mother of god... Lady's and Gentlemen, it's time to gather all the $1 bills we have to our name and head straight to Vegas where this was found

Uncle Sex?



So every now and again, I see something so shockingly amazing I feel compelled to snap a picture and share it with the world. Now, what's most interesting about this fine specimen of urban artwork is the underlying meaning~ which I'm not sure if this is an incestuous gang member or someone with a pedophile of an uncle?

Now, first off, graffiti is the lower class' way of speaking to the world. Nobody ever seems to listen to the lower class, so what better way to 'be heard' than to create a make-shift billboard out of some stolen spray paint and a train car? I personally couldn't think of a better way to express myself if I wanted too...

So my only question now is, WTF mate? Couldn't you think of something a little more creative to paint on the side of a god damn train? I mean seriously, most people put their nick name up there, some of the dumber folk put their real name, or gang signs, etc. But why in the flying fuck would you put "Uncle Sex" on the side of a god damn train? Seriously, if whomever out there that made this creation is reading this-- do yourself a favor and huff that paint... you need it.